Monday, May 2, 2011

are you who you want to be?

I find myself daydreaming about what I want to be when I grow up. Sky is the limit. I can be or do anything I want. Depending on my mood and energy, depends on what I want to be that day.

Or what I'm watching on television...

For instance if I'm watching HGTV, I think, yeah I could be a designer or flip houses.

Or if I'm watching Rachael Ray... I could be a cook/talk show host.

Or if I'm watching an ABCfamily original show, I think I could be an actress (because their acting isn't the most convincing).

Or... well you you get the picture.

But here is the reality... I will never be an actress. It's not in my strengths. I probably could never be a talk show host. I'm not great at asking questions. Cooking... possibly but being an original and having a show about it... probably not.

I reeeally want to flip A house, just see if I like it. But all the other logistics that go into flipping houses... not so much. I just want to demo something.

I blame this confusing time of "find my purpose in life" on my mother.

DANG YOU MOM FOR BELIEVING IN ME AND TELLING ME I CAN DO ANYTHING IF I PUT MY MIND TO IT. Because now I have the false belief in myself that I CAN DO ANYTHING!

No I don't really blame my mother, but seriously. My mind is filled with all the possibilities of the "american dream" (whatever that truly means these days). And I am confused.

I know my strengths and I'm accutely aware of my weaknesses.

I find myself wondering day in and day out if I am who I want to be. And most often the answer is no. I'm not who I want to be. But what if who I want to be is not who I'm supposed to be. Then I am forcing myself to live into lie that I'm still not somebody? Because I'm that "somebody" I want to be? See, confusing.

What I have come to conclude is that everyday it's going to take effort to be that "somebody". And whether or not I live into who I want to be that day. It's okay. It's... ooookay.

There is always tomorrow. Right?

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